


closer

by ellenvictoria



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Liam is a baby because Liam is a common baby name, M/M, best friends to boyfriends, some zarry smutish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 23:51:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1152305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellenvictoria/pseuds/ellenvictoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, Louis is Harry's best friend, he has been since Harry was five and moved into the neighbourhood. Louis is like a protective older brother, and he is bloody perfect and Harry only wants to always be closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	closer

So the thing is, Louis is his best friend. He is not always sure at all though of what he really is to Louis. He is _Louis._ Louis, his two year older neighbor, who is everything that should be classified as perfect.

Ever since Harry’s family moved to that small street with the cute matching yellow houses, when he was five, he always wanted Louis. First time he had met him; he had been playing alone in the backyard of his new house and a pink plastic football had come flying over the hedge. Harry had not had the ball in his possessions long at all, when a big boy had come running for him, holding a little girl in his hand, yelling at Harry about how awful he was for stealing from little girls.

Harry had apologized a thousands of times, while Louis hold a tight grip around his crying sister. He had thought the ball had fallen from the sky, as a gift to him, he had never meant to upset a little girl (or definitely not this boy). After a while the girl had stopped crying and decided that she like Harry, and that was enough for Louis to like him too.

“I’m Louis!” he said and gave Harry his chubby little hand with a serious face “’M the boss on this street.” Harry took the hand with a nervous gulp, this was not a boy you wanted as your enemy.

 

If Harry and Louis were going to be friends it had to be a secret, he learned that much that time when Louis had some friends over from school. He could hear them playing in Louis’ backyard, running around, laughing, screaming, making gun-sounds. Harry wanted to play too. He had made his way through the hole in the hedge just to have Louis’ friends push him away. He had waited for Louis to say something, because of course he could play with them, he and Louis always played.

Louis had freezed for a second before he had pointed his toy gun towards Harry and yelled: “Disappear, baby, or we have to kill you.” Harry had ran as fast as he could back to his house, before he started crying. He was not a baby, and he never wanted to see Louis again.

He did see Louis again though, just an hour later. He had rushed over to Harry’s house as soon as his friends and left, and for a starter he was mad.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He yelled to harry who was hunched in the sofa in front of a movie, “You can’t just show up like that when my _friends_ are there! They can’t know I know a baby like you!”

That was enough for Harry to look up, with tears in his eyes. One of the things he had learned from Louis Tomlinson was that he would never take any shit from no one, ever. “’M not a baby!” he cried out and clenched his fists around the blanket he was wrapped in. “And I thought _we_ were friends.” He looked up to meet Louis’ face, as a tear felt down his cheek. And Louis was not mad anymore.

“I’m sorry Harry”, he said in a so much softer voice from a minute ago, and sat down next to Harry on the couch. “Of course we’re friends, please don’t cry”, he pulled one arm around Harry’s body and wrapped him in.

“But you were so mean”, Harry sniffled against Louis’ chest.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you Haz”, he said with truly regret in his voice. “It’s just… My friends in school can’t know we’re friends, ‘cause they think you’re just a baby. It has to be a secret.”

“Not a baby” Harry mumbled.

“I know you’re not,” Louis said with such fondness, “They are just that stupid,” he smiled and Harry had to look up and respond the smile, before he returned his focus to the movie.

“So what are you watching?” Louis asked.

“Lion King” Harry answered

“Cool, I love this movie.” And Harry knew that. He knew Louis loved Lion King as much as he did, they had watched it a billion times together. He also knew that that too had to be a secret, since it was a baby movie.

“You want me to put it to the start?” he asked even though half the movie had past. Louis nodded with a big smile, as response.

Harry got up from the couch to fiddle with the buttons on the machine under the telly, so the movie would be rewind to the start and he got back to Louis, to watch the whole movie with his head in Louis’ lap. He learned that day that as long as he kept being a secret and stayed away from Louis’ other friends, everything would be great.

 

Harry has always known he has to mean something to Louis, even if it had to be hidden away, he was still his little brother. It was proved to him times like that time when he was eight, Louis was ten. Louis had come knocking on his door one night, as usual, not even bothering for anyone to open, before he had stumble up to Harry’s room.

Harry’s door had been close, which firstly was unusual, when he realized it was also locked; Louis got worried.

“Hazza, open the door, it’s me”, Louis whispered through the key hole and knocked softly three times.

“Louis go home.”

“No? Why?” He could here that Harry had been crying.

“I don’t want to see you right now”, he answered after while of silence.

“Then I’ll wait here. You can tell me through the door what’s wrong, and you don’t have to _see_ me,” he sat down and leaned himself against the door.

“I don’t wanna talk”, he said stubbornly.

“Of course you don’t…” Louis sighed. “But ‘you wanna hug?” he asked hopefully.

“No…” Harry answered, without sounding very convincing at all.

“I think you’re lying Haz” Louis teased, Harry didn’t answer.  “Come on Harry, open the door so I can hug you. Louis waited patiently some moments too long, but after a while he could finally hear a click from the door and he got up and entered the room.

The red rimmed eyes wasn’t the worst part he could catch when his eyes reached where Harry sat hunched in the dark. The sight almost made him cry too.

He reached over to Harry fast, and thankfully he realized soon that the red all over him wasn’t blood, but paint. It still looked awful. And he didn’t care of all the shit his mom would give him when he came home in paint soaked clothes, not right now, he rather hug Harry tightly. He held him hard and let him cry against his chest, and whisper soothing words in his ear.

“Come on, let’s take a bath,” he whispered when he finally pulled away, “Can’t let the paint dry and destroy those pretty curls.” He ruffled playfully with Harry’s hair, before taking his hand and dragged him towards the bathroom.

“I don’t want them anyway”, Harry whispered shamefully, barely audible, as he was dragged behind Louis, “They’re ugly…”

“What!?” Louis made a halt in the middle of the hallway and turned around to look at Harry. “They’re not ugly! Who would ever say that!?” Louis screamed.

“Well…” Harry looked nervously at his feet, he didn’t like when Louis yelled at him, “Ricky Lee…” he started with a mumble and Louis rouse with anger, he knew Ricky. “Did he do this to you?” Louis screamed and Harry flinched, he swallowed hard before nodding, still avoiding to look at Louis. He knew that that Louis knew Ricky, they were in the same class, he was Louis’ friend.

“He’s a fucking idiot, your curls are not ugly!” Louis said and returned to drag Harry after him to the bathroom. He tapped both the bathtub and the sink and filled them with hot water. He helped Harry get his clothes of and led him to sit in the tub. He took Harry’s clothes, which was filled with red paint, and put them in the sink, hoping the paint would be gone before Harry’s mom came back from work, before he took his own clothes off and joined Harry in the tub.

“’M sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered as he washed Harry’s hair, “Wasn’t mad at you, I was mad at Rick. Never mad at you.” Harry gave nothing but satisfied sigh as response. “He can’t do this to my Harry”, Louis continued, “No one can ever make my Harry sad!”

“You make me sad sometimes”, Harry reminded him, all the times he had wanted to play, but wasn’t allowed because his other friends were there, it made him feel like those other boys was more important than him, even if Louis always told him later, that they were not. Or when he got upset and yelled at Harry even if it was not Harry he was upset with, it made Harry think that he did something wrong, even if Louis always apologised after, and told him it wasn’t his fault.

“I’m sorry about that, I don’t want to make you sad”, Louis sighed, and tried to rub some paint off Harry’s neck.

“I know” Harry turned around to give Louis a smile. “It’s okay. You make me happy more than you make me sad.”

The next day on the school yard Louis had used his favoruite water pistol to make Ricky Lee face the whole school, looking like he had wet his pants. He got detention. But since the whole school would not stop laughing at “Wee wee-Ricky”, Louis thought it was worth it. No one should ever make his Harry sad.

 

The thing with Louis Tomlinson was that he would always be every adults nightmare, troublemaker, too immature for his age and always that boy that got nothing but a big sigh. But the one thing he had always been really good at, was being an older brother. Ever since his first sister was born he had taken care of her and doing everything he could do to make sure she always was alright. The urge to protect and take care, only grew stronger when he got three more, and then he also got Harry. He took care of Harry is if he was one of his little sisters, his little brother, wanting to protect him from all the evil that could possibly reach for him. “The brother he never had but always wanted”, Louis would always tell him.

And years later Harry would wonder if their brother-bond maybe had grown too strong, and maybe the reason why they never could be something more.

 

It had all started when he was 13 (and he was only 13 for Gods sake!) and Louis was 15. They didn’t see each other as much as they used to. Louis was busy with footie practise, and his girlfriend. Harry usually stayed home and hoping Louis would show up today, or maybe tomorrow. He read a lot, and spend a lot of time on his computer.

But this Friday night Louis had missed him. He showed up in Harry’s bedroom, stated that FIFA with Harry was much better then some stupid jockey party. Harry never bothered telling him what a jockey he can be himself.

And if “FIFA night with Harry”, was just another way to say “cuddle with Harry and watch the Lion King”, no one had to know.

“I miss Hannah” Louis sighed out of nowhere just as Nala refound Simba.

“I’m not good enough for you?” Harry teased. But really, they had not hung out for weeks, could not Louis enjoy being with him just for one night, without wanting to replace him with this new girlfriend of his?

“Of course you are Haz” Louis responed and patted his head, “Although, I do have needs and…” he paused to smack his lips “… My lips are starting to get dry, and when it comes to kissing, you just won’t be enough.”

“You don’t know that” Harry huffed and returned to the movie.

“No you’re right, your puffy, big lips probalby makes a an excellent kisser!” Louis teased.

Harry just shrugged as an answer. “I don’t know..” he mumbled.

“Ugh Haz!” Louis gasped with a jokingly disguasted face, “You don’t know? You do know that’s not a good thing, right? They always tell you if you’re good!”

“It’s not…” Harry blushed as he tried to figure out what to say now, without coming out as an idiot, “No one can tell me if no one knows, you know,” Harry made a nonchalant shrug, as if he did not care. And honeslty, he did not care that much at all. Maybe it was because he was only thirteen, still too young to understand, because kissing girls was not something he thought about that much. He knew Louis did, but Louis was older, so honestly, Harry did not care.

“You… You have never kissed a girl…?” Louis looked straight at him and sounded actually worried.

“Um… No.” Harry tried to look everywhere but at Louis’ burning gaze.

“Why?” Louis frowned.

“Exactly; why? Why should I?” he shrugged and tried to get his focus back to the movie, he honestly did not get the hype.

“Why?! Because its great Harry!” Louis sat up straight of excitement.

“Is it really _that_ great?” He asked doubtfully. “I don’t get it. It can’t be that great? It’s just your lips against someone else’s, I might as well kiss my own hand?”

“You’re such a baby”, Louis teased him fondly and stroke his cheek. And then his lips was on Harry’s.

Harry freezed. If you would disappear if you was still enough, Harry would definitely be gone. “You know, if you’re not gonna move, I might as well kiss my own hand”, Louis murmured, still against Harry’s lips. So Harry started to move, first just his lips around Louis’ but soon enough his hands found its way to Louis’ hair and his tongue found its way through to meet Louis’. He sighed softly, because yeah, this _was_ great.

“’M not a baby,” Harry said when Louis pulled away after what felt like an eternity.

“Of course you’re not,” Louis laughed, and then they both returned to the movie. “Not that bad huh?” he asked as he watched Harry lay down with a tiny smile and his head on Louis’ chest.

“Not that bad, no,” Harry murmured with a yawn; he was exhausted. Before he fell asleep just seconds later, he knew this was something he definitely wanted to do again.

 

Louis was 17 when his mother got remarried; Harry was 15.

Around this time their friendship was no longer a secret of Louis’. That had to change at some point when Louis had seen enough of his own classmates pushing Harry into the lockers, stealing his books and laugh behind his back. One afternoon when Louis had been walking through the corridor with Jack Ashley, on their way to footie practice; Ashley had caught sight of Harry by his locker.

“Look at that fucking fag,” he said to Louis, pointing at Harry. It wasn’t even as if they could come up with something creative to say. It was always things as “fucking fag” simply because they had not even a reason to pick on Harry, it was all because they thought it would be fun to make this innocent boy “cry like a girl.”

And Louis had had enough of it. He had had enough of just walking past his best friend and pretend like his nothing to him, while the boy himself has to take an extra look around the corners before he took a turn, just to make sure it was free to pass. Louis could not take that Harry would have to be frightened in his own school, without trying to do anything about it. Not anymore.

Before Jack could have said another world about how Harry must have borrowed his jacket from his mother or how his hair would go great with a princess-tiara, Louis had pressed him up the wall.

Jack had looked frightened, you know, just a second ago he would probably have thought he and Louis was best of mates, and now he was practically hanging from the wall with no chance. Louis was so much stronger than him and was right now screaming to his face in the full corridor.

“I had enough of your fucking shit!” the whole school was in silence. “Harry’s my best friend and if you ever as much as touch him or say one fucking bad word about him, ever again, I will cut your fucking tiny, little dick off when you’re asleep and put it in your mother’s kettle!” And he had let go. Jack had felt to the ground, looking like he was about to cry. Louis took Harry’s hand and walked out of the school, not caring at all about how the whole school was staring after them, all in chock.

After that day Louis had looked after Harry more openly, making sure everyone was treating him right. And they were. Everyone respected Louis, so eventually, they respected Harry too.

Louis and Hannah had broken up, possibly a week or two after that night he and Harry had kissed. They had never talked about that kiss afterwards, it should not be anything to talk about. That did not mean it constantly corrupted Harry’s mind. He had also lost track of how many girls Louis had went through by now.

Louis spend way too much time worrying about Harry. He didn’t have many friends except from Louis, and Louis kept dragging him to parties every weekend, hoping he would find someone. But it was always the same almost every weekend; by the time Louis found a girl to snog that night, Harry found a way to pick up his phone from his slim tight jeans.

This night was no different. Although Louis was baby-sitting, so he could not drink (he was also a good boy, he would never even try to get drunk when his whole, big, fat, family was gathered in one room). Since it also was his mother’s wedding he couldn’t even think about finding a girl for the night; they had a big family and chances are the girl would come out to be his long seen cousin or something. So no; he was not doing that on his mother’s wedding.

Harry was sitting beside the kids table, with a baby in his lap; laughing at something some of the little girls said.

“Harry you don’t have to sit here,” really, babysitting was Louis’ job tonight, Harry was here as a guest, “Go and have some fun instead,” Louis smiled at him where he played with the baby (was it Lucas?) in his lap.

“I am having fun!” Harry looked up at him with a big smile and used Lucas’s hand to wave at him and Lucas started to laugh, and if that wasn’t the most adorable thing… “Besides, I figured you shouldn’t take care of all these kids all by yourself.” Harry shrugged and pleaded at him.

Louis just sighed with a smile in the corner of his eyes and sat down next to Harry, immediately having a little girl climbing up his legs. And really? How many children are there even in this family? He thought as another girl patted his hair.

“Hey, Little Girl?” He smiled up at her, trying really hard to remember her name, “I actually spend a lot of time to make my hair stand up like that, this morning.” Of course Harry laughed at him.

“But you’re much more cuter when you have it like a fringe, Louis”, the girl said with a serious face and kept combing his hair with her tiny hands.

“Yeah, Louis, _so_ cute!” Harry said with a dreamingly sigh and Louis could not help but laugh out loud.

“You know what else is cute?” he asked Harry and raised his brow for Louis to continue. “You,” Louis said as a simple matter of fact.

Harry opened his mouth as if to say something, but remained silent and his cheeks flushed bright red.

“My cousin Amelia told me so earlier. Actually, I think she is looking at you right now,” Louis made a gesture towards one of the tables on the other side of the room. And of course. _Of fucking course._ Of course it wasn’t Louis who thought Harry was cute, he should have known that. He tried not to let his disappointment show but his faltering smile probably gave him away.

“Come on!” Louis huffed at him, “She is really great!” And Harry did not doubt that, she just wasn’t what he was looking for, she wasn’t Louis. “And she is totally your type!”

“My type?” Harry frowned, “You don’t know what my type is?”

“You know, she’s blond,” Louis started, and oh right, a couple of weeks ago, Louis had tried to set him up with one of his cheerleading friends, and Harry had got away from it by saying that he was not that in to brunettes. “And her hair is also very flat”, another time Harry had said he didn’t like this girl because of her curly hair, ‘he had enough of his own’, “Her legs is not that long!” Louis kept going. And yeah, Harry had actually said once that he didn’t like girls with long legs… “She has good grades. She listens to all that kind of weird music you like. She hates sports…” Harry does not hate sports! He loves to watch Louis when he is at the football field, even if it is just practice.

Louis keeps listing things that apparently makes Amelia, Harry’s type. And wow, he is actually really good, really good at remember all this nonsense things that Harry throws out of his mouth when Louis is around. Louis seem to be really good at noticing things. Except the fact that this girl is not Harry’s type at all. He seem to notice everything except that his best friend is madly in love with him.

“I’m going to get something to drink,” Harry interrupts in the middle of Louis’ sentence, and gets up from his chair. “Here, take Liam,” Harry hands him the baby, before he leaves with a weak smile.

“Hello Liam!” Louis tries not to frown at Harry’s sudden walking away, but looked down at to baby now seated in his lap. _Really? Liam?_ He had been so sure it was Lucas… But it is a bit stupid naming a baby, Liam, isn’t it? Every second baby Louis hears of these days are called Liam…

Harry had really just left Louis to get something to drink, or possibly get away from Louis trying to fix him up with another girl. But he really, really needed something to drink. He is just about to pour up some lemon water, when a hand comes to hold his glass; stopping it from shaking.

“Take it easy. You don’t want to spill all over that nice tux of yours,” a sweet girl voice says from behind him. Harry gives her an appreciated smile. “I’m Amelia,” she says as she gives Harry her hand.

“Yeah, I know. Louis told me about you,” he smiles weakly back and then wishes he had said something else.

“Really? Did he…” Amelia shines up like that was the best news she had ever heard. “Only good things I hope?” Did she actually wink at him?

“Yes. Umm. Good things.” Harry blushed, because he really is not the boy to tell a lie. Louis had only told him good things about Amelia, so what else could he say? “I am Harry, by the way,” he swallows hard, “Umm. Louis’… Best friend.”

“I know that, silly!” she laughs and reaches over to lightly hit Harry on the arm, but somehow her hand ends up staying on his arm, slowly stroking his bicep. “Louis told me a lot about you too, you know,” she ends up whispering.

Harry hoped Louis had told her bad things, like how he always steals the whole duvet when he is sharing bed with someone else, or that he has a habit of wearing the same socks for days, or that he likes to eat cold potatoes for breakfast. The way she looks at him though, it really does not seem like Louis told her any of those things.

His gaze nervously flatter to where Louis still sits, now with three kids in his lap. He is watching Harry and gives him an encouraging smile when he sees that he is looking. One of the girls in his lap gives Harry a thumb up.

And he is so _tired_ of this. Why is Louis so blind?! Why won’t he let Harry spend all his time with Louis, instead of all these boring girls? Why won’t Louis ever realise where he belong?! Harry is really tired of this.

Somehow Harry ends up out in the hallway with Amelia. She had thought it would be good to go somewhere quieter to talk. And she is a great girl, she really is. They have a lot in common and she is really easy to talk to. She is still not more than a friend when it comes to what is Harry’s type.

Apparently Harry is one hundred percent Amelia’s type though; because suddenly she is kissing him.   

Harry is terrified. It is like always is, he do not want this. He never wants this. But everything he has got in his head tonight is ‘Screw Louis!’ and his hand reach around Amelia’s waist to pull her closer whilst reminding himself to buy Louis a pair of new glasses for his birthday.

Louis is happy Harry finally getting somewhere. He really his. He just had not expect to see that, his best friend, glued to the hips to some girl he just met. He had seen Harry go outside with Amelia, but he actually had not expect for anything to really happen. If he knew Harry right he would have found him with his phone up; probably showing Amelia some GIFs of cute cats or something. So it is not really his fault that he opens the door with a rush, calling Harry’s name.

Harry jumps about a million feet backwards from Amelia and blushes vividly. Louis crosses his arms, leans on his hip and smirks at them. “Well, nice to see that someone is having fun at this party.”

Amelia doesn’t seem to realize that Harry has been scared away. “It would be nice if you could leave us alone, Louis,we are kind of busy here,” she says turned to Louis, with a big fake smile.

“Yes I can see that, _Amelia,_ ” Louis smirks in Harry’s direction. “I was just coming out to tell you that they will cut the cake soon, didn’t think I would find you like this, this soon. Told you, you’re the perfect match!” He winked and then left with a last satisfied smile.

Amelia turns back to Harry and smiles. “Did he really say we were the perfect match?” He restrained himself from rolling his eyes. “Because, he should know if anyone knows, right? I mean, I only just met you, but Louis knows you better than anyone. So he should be the one to know if we’re perfect for each other!”

“Louis is fucking blind, he doesn’t know a shit.” Harry muttered and then he left the hallway too, following Louis.

Louis watches him with a questioningly brow when he approaches him. Harry gives him as smile and lifts up one of the baby girls who is clinging on Louis’ leg. “What are you doing here?” he asks.

“They’re cutting the cake!” Harry bursts out with big eyes, but smiles, “Can’t miss that!” Louis doesn’t say anything else right then. He is too busy watching his mother tearing up out of happiness, for maybe the 16th time that day. And for the moment he let her be his number one priority. That and baby Liam is very distractingly pulling his hair.

 

Okay so it is later now. There is no more cakes being cut or no more special moments. More like drunk uncles and aunts, everywhere, showing the family the sides of them they would wish had stayed a secret. And what might annoy Louis the most is that Harry is still sitting with him in the children corner. Even if he might appreciate the help to hide the visions of the kids who are still awake, from the most obscene things in the room.

His annoyance my grew a little bigger when Amelia comes down to sit with them, too, talking, smiling, trying to catch Harry’s attention. Harry just excuse himself after a couple of minutes, mumbling something about fresh air.

Louis looks after him as he leaves the room. There’s just something he can’t understand when it comes to Harry.

“Can you watch the babies for a while?” He asks Amelia, “Better see if Harry’s alright…” And then he is walking out too.

“What is with you?!” he yells as he is coming outside and sees Harry’s back. When he turns around to face Louis’ angry face, his eyes are in tears.

“What?” Harry snaps. Louis walks forward to him, reaching his arm out but takes it down again before it touches Harry’s shoulder.

“Harry, what’s going on?” he asks with concern.

“What’s going on?” Harry mimics in an annoyed tone. “You! You is what’s going on, Louis. I’m so tired of your shit!” And Harry is surprised to hear his own voice raise to a scream.

“What?” Louis takes a few steps back, looking hurt. Harry just rolls his eyes. “No, Harry, I don’t understand you! I’m really trying to make you happy and all you ever do is roll your eyes at me! Tell me what I did that was so bad that you’re so pissed at me right now! I would love to know!” Louis raise his voice too.

“You’re not trying to make me happy, Louis!” Harry snaps, “All you ever do is trying to set me up with every girl you know, like if that would make me happy! Well here’s some news for you, Louis Tomlinson, It won’t make me happy! I don’t want it. I do not want it!”

Louis looks like he want to say something, maybe an explanation or even an apology. “Well you didn’t look that _unhappy_ with your tongue down my cousin’s throat, did you?” is what comes out of his mouth instead and Harry throws his head back to a frustrated groan.

“I didn’t want her to kiss me!” he screams. Why won’t Louis understand?! “I only want you to kiss me!”

He wants to regret the words as soon as they leaves his mouth, but he is so tired of everything now that he cannot even bare himself to.

And the worst thing is that Louis does not even have anything to say, and Louis always have something to say. He just stands there and stares at him with big eyes with his mouth wide open.

Harry doesn’t let his gaze falter. He is done with that. He is done with giggles and flustered cheeks. He is not giving in on Louis anymore. He stares back, not daring to make a single move or let his angry gaze slip.

And then Louis throws himself on him. He pushes Harry into the brick wall next to them and next he fiercely presses his lips on Harry’s.

It takes Harry a second to recognise what is happening. But Louis keeps moving his lips, biting down Harry’s, moving his whole body, pressing them together, closer into the wall.

When Harry grasped what was going on; that wow, this is happening now. Louis is kissing him. He moves his arms up and wraps them around Louis’ neck and presses his head closer, closer. Harry lifts his leg and wraps it around Louis. Louis’ thigh slips between Harry’s leg and Louis is closer and closer.

Their teeth are clashing and Harry can’t help but smile into it. Is this really happening? This is amazing. Is this real life?

His hands move higher up to Louis’ hair to get him even closer and closer. But Louis pulls away. And if Harry expects a scenario where Louis pulls away to catch his breath and then place his forehead on Harry’s and Harry whispers “Hi,” with a shy smile and Louis does the same thing, before he tells Harry how in love he is with him and that he had always wanted to do that. Well, if Harry expected anything like that to happen, he was wrong.

Louis takes a few steps back. He looks at Harry as if he sees him for the first time. He glares at him as if the past ten years did not mean anything to him at all.

“Are you fucking _happy_ now?!” he spits, with extra emphasis on the word happy. Then he leaves to get back inside. Leaving Harry to sink back to the wall feeling the tears come just as he feels every happy feeling he ever had, just falling away.

 

This is it, Harry thinks. This would be the end of their friendship. He would say he was not surprised, that he had it long coming and that Louis always had been too good to be is friend anyway. He would say he was surprised that they had been friends for that long at all.

Harry decides in the dark under his warm blanket, that if he never leaves his room again, he will never have to see Louis again. And he don’t want to, so he might as well never leave.

But he did see Louis again, sooner that he was ready for.

It was two days after the wedding and the whole incident. It was the middle of the day but Harry’s room was dark and a stream of light came from the hallway and lit it up when Louis sneaked in.

“Hi, Harry,” Louis said quietly. Harry didn’t care to say anything, only gave out a tired sigh. “I wanted to see you sooner, but it’s been so much going on now after the wedding. But I’m alone with the girls now, honey moon in Greece and all that, you knows.” He stopped talking for a while, as if he expected Harry to say something. “Anyways, I haven’t stopped think about you…” And Harry sighs again because he knows that that doesn’t mean in the way he want it to.

“I’m sorry Harry!” Louis cries out and places a warm hand on Harry’s knee.

Harry sits up in the bed, moves his leg away from Louis’s hand, and stars at him through the dark. “What are you sorry for Louis?” he asks with a tired voice but doesn’t wait for an answer. “Are you sorry for trying to set me up with all these girls I have no interest in? Or are you sorry over that I don’t find girls interesting? Or because I’m not like you want me to be? Or that you wasted 10 years being my friend? Are you sorry because I am sickly in love with you?” he takes a deep breathe, “Or are you sorry over that you kissed me and for a second made me feel happy an hopeful before you stomped on me and my feelings like I didn’t mean a shit to you? What is it Louis, why are you sorry?”

“Fuck…” Louis mumbled. Sometime during Harry’s speech he had start to cry. “Shit I’m sorry…” Harry rolled his eyes and Louis got of the bed. “Fuck, I can’t do this right now,” he said as he let the room, wiping his eyes.

And that is about that.

 

It is a good thing that it is the middle of summer and Harry don’t have anywhere to be. He can sit in his room all day, feeling sorry for himself, without missing out on anything.

After a week or so he manages to move down stairs to more than dinner. He sits at the kitchen table and stars out of the window.

He starts to wish to see Louis, seeing him pass by on the street. But he never does. Louis never walks past and Harry never sees him.

He really misses him. He is ready now, he is ready to forgive him for whatever crap he wants to apologise for. He just wants Louis back and he cannot understand why Louis is not here with him. He should be. Louis always protects him from everything bad and he is always there to make him happy when he is sad.

So why is not Louis here now?

How did things get this wrong?

It is his mother who finally has enough of him sitting inside and moping around.

“Harry, I know it is nice to be off school, but it won’t do you bad to get some fresh air. The weather is really nice!”

And Harry can see that the weather is really nice. He spends his days sitting in the window, seeing the weather perfectly fine. She do not have to tell him. But he doesn’t say that to her. He tries as good as he can to hide his bad mood from her. If she finds out, there will have to be an explanation, and he is not ready for that. Not now when he can’t have Louis on his side. (Thinking of that, right now he is not sure if he can ever be ready.)

So he leaves the house, saying he will take a walk and she gives him an encouragingly smile.

He does not really think about where his feet are leading him. He is careful when he passes Louis’ house, like as if he would melt into the background like a chameleon, if he walked carefully enough. His steps leads him to the woods at the end of their street. He and Louis always used to play there when they were kids. They still came back sometimes, to the secret tree house their parents had helped them build, years ago.

And that is to where his steps was leading him now. He climbs the steps they had nailed up on the trunk, and hopes that maybe this place might give him some kind of peace.

“Oh,” a familiar voice says as Harry sticks his head up on the house, it wasn’t empty.

“Hi,” he gives Louis a shy smile. He looks awful, exhausted, like as if he haven’t slept in days.

“So you are not giving me the ignorant silence, this time?” Louis smiles back at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here,” Harry shakes his head and starts to climb back down again.

“Oh. I hoped you’d come to see me. I miss you,” Louis said tiredly and Harry made a dead stop halfway down the tree.

“I miss you, too,” Harry whispered sadly as showed his head up again.

“Get up here then!” Louis opens one of his arms and look at expectantly. Harry sighs of relief as he crawls into Louis arms and snuggles into his warm side. They lay down on the blankets on the wooden floor and Louis holds him tight to next to his side.

“I’m the biggest jerk, Harry,” Louis sighs after a while of comfortable silence. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”

“Let’s just forget about all that now” Harry wants everything to go back to how it used to be.

“No. Fuck, I can’t do that,” Louis sighs, “I’ve been a terrible friend, you don’t deserve me.”

“Wouldn’t want anyone else,” Harry mumbles into Louis’ T-shirt, with closed eyes.

“Doesn’t mean I can just forget about it. We have to talk…” He gets stopped by Harry’s large hand over his mouth.

“Shush,” Harry yawns, “Sleep first,” he mumbles and crawls closer into Louis.

“Yeah ok, sleep first,” Louis smiles and wraps himself tighter around Harry. It is not even seconds before they both are drifting off.

 

When Harry wakes up the next morning he feels more rested than has for weeks. The sun is high on the sky and are breaking in through the small window and warms up the small tree house. But there is a cold empty spot next to him, and that does not seem right.

He sits up and for the first time since he got there yesterday, he looks around and really takes everything in. There’s a lot of blankets and pillows and there’s some clothes scattered over the floor. He sees Louis’ old battery driven CD-player and a stack of Louis’ favourite CD’s. There’s some books too, and Harry’s a bit surprised because Louis had never been much of a reader. He sees and old biscuit package and there are two boxes with unknown content. How long had Louis planned to stay? And where is he now?

Just as he was wondering Louis comes up in the tree house, carefully carrying a small cooking pot.

“Good morning,” he smiles when he sees Harry is up. “Thought you might want some tea,” he says and gathers two cups from one corner and a package of tea bags from another.

“Did you boil water in the heat from the sun?” Harry frowns tiredly.

“Harold, it is not _that_ warm,” Louis sighs with a smile as pours water in the cups. Harry watches him with fond. “I’ve got the tiny gasoline kitchen downstairs.” He smiles brightly at Harry as he hands him a cup.

“Do you like… Live in the forest now?” Harry raises one brow.

“Kind of,” Louis looks smug over his cup, “I like it here, it’s kind of freeing. And nice to have a guest.”

They sit there on the wooden floor in a nice silence, to occasionally look up over their cups to send each other small smiles.

“So I have to apologise, for real,” Louis says as he sets his empty cup down.

“Louis…” Harry sighs, tries to shake it away.

“No Harry! I’ve been awful, and I can’t just forget about that like as if it doesn’t mean anything!”

“Let’s hear it then,” Harry sighs.

“I am really sorry for being such shit friend…”

“You haven’t!” Harry interrupts.

“But I have!” He looks at Harry with big, sad eyes. “I’ve been a complete arsehole,” he fiddles nervously with the hem of his T-shirt. “Shit… I just wished you had said anything… About how you felt about everything.”

“What was I supposed to say, Louis?” Harry shakes his head. “Please stop trying to set me up with girls, I’m more into boys?”

“Yes!” Louis gives him an insuring smile. “I would have been ok with that, you know.”

“Thank you,” Harry mumbles and he can feel his eyes starting to tear up, out of relief. “I just was never sure if you would be ok, though.”

“Oh, God,” Louis climbs over the small room and wraps his arms around Harry, “You are my best friend, Harry, and I have no idea how to live without you. You can always count on me to be there, always,” he leaves a soft kiss on top of Harry’s hair. “Ok?”

Harry nods into his chest. “I love you,” he mumbles.

“Love you, too, Curly,” Louis says back.

“So it’s… Like, no girls at all?” Louis frowns after a while.

“Ehm… No,” Harry answers quietly.

“Wow,” Louis huffs, “That definitely makes me look like the biggest dick.” And harry gives out a laugh, it seems like everything will be alright, even great.

“So you’re really okay?” Harry asks one more time.

“Of course.” Louis doesn’t even think before he answers.

“Even if…” Harry swallows hard. “I’d be in love with you?”

It takes a bit longer for Louis to answer this time, but he nods. “I’d had to be. I can’t see why that wouldn’t be okay.” Harry gives him a grateful smile. “As long as… It wouldn’t hurt you, or something, to be my friend, when I can’t return your feelings?”

Harry is quick to shake his head. “It’d hurt more not to have you as friend, at all.”

 

And it gets both better and worse after that.

Sometimes Louis doesn’t really seem like he knows how to act around Harry anymore. And just drives Harry a bit mad. Louis had said everything was okay and that he could always count on him. But Harry is not so sure if things really are okay, not always.

Louis always watches him warily before he even gives him a hug. Cuddles in front of a movie are never as they used to be. Louis doesn’t think Harry notices, but he notices very well how Louis keeps his arm looser around Harry, or that he rather presses himself closer to the wall than Harry’s body.

“Nothing’s changed, you know?” Harry says one night when he grows tired of Louis not being close enough. “Just because I’ve come out to you doesn’t mean I will make a move on you if you hug me properly,” he sighs.

“I know,” Louis just says, and he holds him a little tighter after that. And right then, it is better. Louis’ warily touches is still there though. Harry convinces himself that Louis is just scared, that it is all new. But he knows it should not have to be that way.

Good things comes out of it all too, Harry would say there’s more of the good than bad. He is freer now. He do not have to worry about every little thing he do. He can be more like the person he wants to be. It’s relaxing to be free and Louis knows and Louis is okay.

There conversations flows on better now, when Harry does not feel like he has anything to hide. Everything is just easier and Harry is happier.

 

They are out one afternoon, sitting with their textbooks open, at their favourite milkshake shop.

Louis looks up from his books to see Harry staring giddily at something behind him. And he is definitely not studying. He coughs to get Harry’s attention and smirks questioningly at him when he looks his way.

Harry doesn’t say something, he just blushes as he looks down and pretends to focus on the words in his textbook. Louis turns around just to catch the eyes of a dark haired boy, looking slightly familiar.

“So…” Louis says and Harry looks up. “He’s kinda cute?”

“More like inhumanly beautiful…” Harry murmurs before he can prevent the words from slipping out, causing him to blush again. And Louis likes this, he loves how Harry finally feels like he can open up and say pretty much anything he wants to him. Louis also know who this boy is.

“I go to school with him,” he says and Harry looks at him with a terrified expression. “There’s this party on Friday, he’ll might be there. You should come with me!”

“Really?” Harry beams at him with a huge smile.

“Of course,” Louis says, just as the boy walks past their table and returns Harry’s big smile as he walks out of the shop.

 

Harry is much more comfortable at parties these days. He doesn’t need to seek comfort in his mobile to show the girls Louis are pushing in his direction, that he is not interested. Now, he actually is not afraid of enjoying himself.

And he can look now. He can look at the boys, without worrying that Louis would notice anything. Watch is still the only thing Harry wants to do though. He tries really hard to want anyone, anyone else but Louis. Is just not there yet.

But there is a party and there is alcohol in Harry’s blood. And Louis will never want Harry in that way. And there is this extremely hot boy who looks at Harry in a way Louis never will. And he is walking over to Harry right now. And Harry there is alcohol in Harry’s blood and he really wants to want anyone else but Louis.

“’M Zayn,” the boy says over the loud music when he has reached Harry.

“Harry,” he smiles and takes Zayn’s hand. And he really looks amazing and he smells good. Harry really wants to want him closer.

“You wanna dance?”

“Yes!” Harry breathes, because why not? He wants to dance and Zayn is hot and he wants to be closer.

So they dance on the middle of the floor. It is dark and everyone is drunk and Harry does not even care anymore, when Zayn’s hands moves over his hips and his attaches his lips on his. He is having a great time.

Harry stops thinking. He lets Zayn lead him, hands all over their bodies. And Harry loves this, who is Louis? They grind against each other in rhythm to the music and Zayn’s hands are gripping Harry’s arse. Harry would probably be ashamed when he felt his jeans tightening, if he had not felt Zayn hardening against his leg, too.

And wow, this is new, but Harry wants more. He does never want this to stop. Wordlessly without detaching their open mouths, they move from the dance floor. Harry is pressed against a wall, there is a thigh between his legs. They are moving their erections against each other’s and Harry’s hands moves down to feel Zayn’s arse.

He would probably point the alcohol out for his courage but he is really curious and he just cannot get enough. He moves his hand slowly forwards, and cups it around Zayn’s hard cock and palms it gently through his jeans.

Zayn moves closer into the touch of his hand and bites down hard on Harry’s collarbone. He lifts his head and looks breathily in to Harry’s eyes. His eyes are really dark and Harry bites his lip as he keeps moving his hand on Zayn’s dick.

“Bathroom,” Zayn gasps and gives Harry a questioned look. Yes! Harry nods, he wants that!

They stumbles into a narrow room which, Harry is pretty sure it is a closet and not a bathroom but he cannot bring himself to care. He has got Zayn pressed against the door and feels warm hands under his T-shirt. He lifts his arms and Zayn pulls the T-shirt off.

He presses down and kisses him hard, and moves his hands to remove Zayn’s shirt too, but changes his mind when he touches the hem of his trousers, and instead he moves his hand down his pants. He gets a rush out of that, feeling someone else naked arse with his hands. When Zayn moans loud into his mouth, he uses the other hand to open Zayn’s fly.

He stops for a while but the warm breathe against his neck, makes him gingerly take Zayn’s hard cock in his hand. He moves his hand slowly while he kisses Zayn with open mouth. Zayn leans his head back with a groan and Harry can’t help but feel his mouth watering. He gets down on his knees and watches the throbbing cock in front of him. He licks a stripe on the underside and Zayn’s legs trembles.

Without taking his tongue from Zayn, he slips one hand down his own pants and strokes himself. He only needs to put his lips around Zayn’s head, before he comes on his cheek.

“God,” he groans as he falls down to the ground. Wordlessly he slips his hand down Harry’s pants and replaces his own hand, and all he really needed was the touch, for him to come, too.

Zayn dries his hand off on the carpet, buckles his pants and leaves the room with one last smile towards Harry. And that is about it.

 

Next morning he wakes up in Louis bed. Or maybe it is not exactly morning anymore. The blinds are open and the sun streams right into the window and lights up the whole room, probably after to kill him.

“Morning, sunshine!” Louis says brightly from across the room.

“Shush, don’t talk so loud,” Harry groans and hides his face in the pillow.

“Why is that, honey?” Louis mocks with a huge smile, “Does your head hurt?”

“’S not funny,” Harry murmurs.

“You know what? It really is,” Louis laughs, too loud for Harry’s liking. “Just think about every time I’ve woken up hangover, late in the afternoon, and you’ve been bright as fuck. It’s like the rolls are changed.”

“Yeah and never did I laugh at your misery,” Harry mumbles, “I made you tea.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” Louis keeps laughing, and it is still not funny, “I’ll just go and make you some tea!”

And okay Harry may hate Louis sometimes. But really he always just loves him. He comes back, not only with a cup of steaming tea, but also with an aspirin and a huge blueberry muffin.

He tries to slowly sit up, while Louis take a seat in the foot of the bed, holding a –

“Is that a book?” Harry frowns and tilts his head, trying to get a better look, “Louis Tomlinson, are you reading? On a Saturday?”

“Harry Styles…” Louis starts, trying to come up with an excuse, “Is that a hickey?” he bursts out instead and Harry blushes.

“I…” He stutters, looks down to see, yes, a pretty big, dark blue, hickey, over his collarbone.

Louis just smiles big at him, almost looking proud. “Well, well, as your older, best friend, I should give you some advices or something, but I don’t know much about sucking dicks, so,” he shrugs and Harry cheeks only grows darker. “No!” Louis bursts and Harry looks down at the cup in his hands. “You did not! Harry no! You are only 15!” He shakes his head and sighs, “When I was 15 I was teaching you how to kiss, not walking around sucking dicks!”

“Are you sucking more dicks now, then you did when you was 15?” Harry does not know from where he even finds air. It is really hot in here.

“Not my point!” Louis frowns.

“Then what is your point? I had fun,” Harry shrugs.

“My point is that it’s wrong,” he says, “I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m only saying it’s stupid,” he hurries to add when Harry raises him a brow.

“You’re stupid,” Harry mutters.

“That too,” Louis smiles and hits bumps Harry’s knee with his foot. “I’m even more stupid then being sexually active at a young age is.”

“Did you just say ‘sexually active’?” Harry shakes his head, “How old are you? 30?”

“I am definitely closer to 30 then you,” Louis says seriously, like if it was an answer to Harry’s question.

“Yes and this is the best time in life, to suck as many dicks as possible,” Harry smiles cheekily.

“Oh just cut the crap, Harry,” Louis sighs, and Harry really has no idea what he is on about.

“Why are you being a shit? I already told I had fun, I am happy! What’s the problem?”

“Yeah, you might think you are happy now, but you are going to regret it,” Louis tries to make an end of it and pretends to return to his book.

“And why would I regret it?” Harry snaps.

“It’s not good to like it too much.” Louis sighs, “You’ll get addicted and you’ll go to too many parties and you’ll drink too much and you’ll get all these slut rumours and you’ll miss out on all the important things. Like school work.”

“Are you even listening to yourself, do you realize what a big prick you are?” Harry raises his voice. “You’re the one who’s been dragging me to parties,wanting me to hook up,” he spits out, “And when I finally do enjoy it, you’re saying it’s wrong?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have dragged you to parties in the first place,” Louis sighs, “Shit, I’m a terrible role model.”

“I don’t need you to be a good role model, Louis!” Just to have something to add to Harry’s annoyance, he can feel his eyes prickling, “I need you to be my best friend, and right now you are doing a terrible job at it!”

“Shit don’t cry, Harry!” Louis groans and throws his head back. “I hate when you cry.”

“I can’t do fucking anything, without annoying you!” he snaps and the tears are falling. “I don’t understand what I did wrong! I’m not doing anything different than what you did when you were 16…”

“But I don’t want you to become like me!” Louis bursts, “Don’t you understand?! You don’t want to be this,” He makes a gesture over his body. “I had fun partying around, but now I just wish it had never happened! I wish had had been more like you, always so calm and good, never caring about what anyone thinks of you. I wish I was like you!”

And it is really stupid how everything moves too fast for Harry’s head to catch up. In the next seconds Louis’ book falls to the ground with a loud sound and his is throwing himself over the bed and placing his lips hard on Harry’s. Harry is not moving.

The second after that Harry feels the nausea catching up with him and he is pushing Louis away from him, and just makes it to the bathroom before he is throwing up.

He goes home after that. Louis is handing him a glass of water and a pitying smile.

“You know, it is really not any trouble, if you want to stay,” he says. And Harry knows that, it’s never any trouble. But he really wants to be alone right now, feels like he has a lot to think about.

It is not like he gets a lot of time to think, that day. When he comes inside his home, his mum has just finished dinner and he tries to swallow the food, without making a face. When he gets up to his room he lays down on the bed and falls asleep instantly.

 

It is autumn and this Sunday seems to be even darker than the last. It is too cold and it is pouring down. A couple of months ago he and Louis had made the tree house water safe with help of a big protecting cloth, over the roof. They had also made a hatch for the tiny window, making it possible to close. The battery driven lamps and all the candles, made it liveable even in the darkest autumn day; like now.

Harry was not surprised to see that Louis was already there, cuddle up under one of the big blankets.

“Hi,” he says softly and Louis looks up from his book and gives him a smile.

“You know…” Harry starts while he stays at door opening. “ _You_ made me who I am today. The only person I have ever cared of what they thought of me, was you and you have always accepted me, that’s why I’ve never been scared. And the reason I can be as calm as I am, is because I know I always have you by my side. I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t because I had you.”

“Come here,” is all Louis says and opens his arms up for Harry to crawl into. His smile big and a tear is falling down his cheek. “I love you,” he kisses Harry’s hair when they lay down and Harry rests his head on Louis’ chest.

And it is good. Everything is good when they just lay there and breathing in each other. The only sound comes from the drizzling on the rooftop, the squeaky trees around them, the howling wind and their calm breathes. Harry can also hear the beat of Louis’ heart; just by his ear.

The only lights comes from the flickering candles that are placed on their tiny shelf. Louis smells like fresh fruit and he is soft and warm and Harry does not ever want to move from where he is right now. He just wraps his arm a little tighter around Louis’ waist and holds him until forever. He does barely notice how Louis’ hand carefully plays with the hair just by his neck. Or how Louis’ heartbeats raise when he hums into the touch. His eyelids feels heavy and he is warm all over.

“Sometimes I wonder if I am _in_ love with you,” Louis murmurs.

Harry does not say anything. He opens his eyes slowly, wonders if he had fallen asleep. He wonders if those words was just something he had dreamt.

“I think I am,” Louis says then, and Harry is absolutely sure he is not asleep now. This is not a dream. “And that is so fucking stupid of me,” Louis keeps talking like he does not expect Harry to answer. And Harry does not. “I broke your heart, and now I’m too late to fix it, because you have moved on now.”

Harry still does not say anything but he moves his arm down towards where Louis’ hand rests and he tangle their fingers together.

“H?” Louis says in a low voice.

“Yeah?”

“Are you awake?” Louis wonders as if he actually thought he would have fallen asleep, even after spending the whole weekend asleep.

“Yes.”

“Oh.” He does not say anything else but his heartbeats increases and Harry just knows what he is thinking.

“Hey Louis?” he says as calm as he can bring himself to whilst he can feel his own heart beat harder.

 “Yeah?” Louis stutters out.

Harry uses his thumb to paint small patterns softly over Louis’ hand. One heart. He collects small hearts, making them to become one flower. “You’re the person I adores most in the world. I’ve been in love with you for years. It’ll take more than just a couple of months and a drunken hook-up, to get over that,” he sighs.

Louis lets out a tiny cry, pressing his fingers tighter into where they are held by Harry’s.

“Louis?” Harry says again and Louis hums, “Are you really in love with me?” Harry is scared worried that the world is about to fall apart but also wonders if it will be okay to be happy soon.

“I think…” Louis starts, and harry can feel the little jump in Louis’ chest, when he swallows. “I think I am, yes. I just don’t know how sure I can be, how am I supposed to know what love feels like? I just now that if love is real, I want it to feel like this; how I feel about you.”

For the first time since Louis’ confession, Harry turns around to see Louis’ face. “You’re sure you’re not just making yourself think it’s love, because you know I won’t hurt you and you’re in need of affection? Because I’m fine being just your frien-“

“I’m sure!” Louis hurries to say. “I know we’ve always been closer than best friends normally are, but lately I have just wanted to come only closer. I want you closer than ever, and for a start I thought that was impossible. But then I talked to my mom about it, and now I just know what it is.”

“You told your mom you might be in love with me before you told me?” Harry asks with a frown, but he feels relieved; if Louis tells his mother anything, he knows it is real.

“That’s what you got out of all that?” Louis laughs underneath him.

“Sorry,” Harry shakes his head and smiles down at him. “I haven’t even told _my_ mom, I’m gay.”

They both laugh loudly, barely knowing what they are finding so amusing. Louis is warm underneath him and Harry wants to be closer. When he moves his hand under the soft fabric of Louis’ thin T-shirt, everything is suddenly deadly serious and they look at each other, not daring to breath.

“Can…” Harry swallows his words but Louis looks so softly at him, with so much patient, “Can I kiss you?”

Louis nods as he swallows nervously, and that is really it. It is enough.

Harry leans down slower than he would have thought was possible. He looks into Louis’ soft blue eyes, not blinking once, and he are coming closer, and closer. When he is halfway down Louis sits up on his elbows, only leaving centimetres between their lips.

It seemed like time had stopped, only the wind kept howling and the light kept flickering. But Louis and Harry had stopped, the only thing they saw was the love in each other’s eyes and the only thing they could hear was their hearts only beating harder and harder, just for each other.

Then Harry leans in, because he is so close, and he only needs to come a little bit closer. And their lips touch. There is barely touch before Harry pulls back again, but Louis follows, wordlessly telling him that this is right, and he leans back in, kissing like it is the first time. Kissing like it is their last.

When they finally are pulling back, Louis are smiling at him and this is good. Somehow this makes it the first time. This is the first kiss they shared that does not give Harry a million things to think about. This is the first time Louis and Harry kissed without making Harry scared, wondering what will happen next or if he is going to be alone. This is the first time they kiss and leaving Harry sure about everything and warm to know it will stay like that.

“Hey,” Louis says softly, “That was the first time we kissed from your initiative,” and yeah, that was a first time too.

“I think it was the best one, so far,” Harry says as he lays himself back on Louis’ chest.

“Yeah? Me too,” Louis sighs dreamingly.

“Hey Louis?” Harry whispers for what feels like the thousand time that evening, “What happens now?” he wonders but this time it is not a question filled with worry but expectations. Expectations of something bright.

“I would kind of like to be your boyfriend, but…” Harry holds a deep breathe while he waits for Louis to continue, “I don’t think I deserve you, I’m not worth you.”

“You’re an idiot, Louis Tomlinson,” Harry hits him lightly on his chest. “There will never be anyone who is better for me than you, you _do_ deserve me!”

“But there is probably someone out there who is so much better for-“

“I don’t want anyone else, ever! As long as you love me, NO ONE out there could ever be better for me!” He looks seriously at Louis, making sure he knows that he means it. “And I would love to have you as my boyfriend,” his smile grows.

“Hi boyfriend,” Louis’ smiles grows too, to match Harry’s. His hand moves up and he places his thumb in the dimple in Harry’s cheek and a giggle slips up from his throat. “I feel kind of complete right now,” he smiles, “Which is kind of crazy, isn’t it? Since I already had you for so long.”

“Well if you’re crazy, I am crazy too!” Harry talks with the thumb pressing into his cheek.

“I’m not ready to come out or anything though, not yet. You understand that, right?” Louis says.

“Of course!” Harry ensure, “for all I care, we can stay alone in this tree house forever.”

“We should probably make this our official home,” Louis agrees as they sit up, close to each other.

“They children’s room could be over there,” Harry laughs. And he is holding Louis’ hand.

“Yeah,” Louis says softly, with his lips placed just by Harry’s neck, as he holds him. “And we’ll make love to each other for the first time, right on this spot. And I’ll propose to you just by the entrance,”

“And we’ll have a mailbox with only one last name, on it,” Harry says.

Louis is kissing his neck now, smiling against the warm skin. Harry turns around to face him, to kiss him again. Their lips meet and for longer this time. Louis hums when Harry parts his lips. “Second time,” Louis murmurs against Harry’s smiling mouth.

“Are you going to keep track?” Harry asks as he places his forehead on top of Louis’.

“Hmm,” Louis smiles, “Every little thing is important when it comes to you.”

Because the thing is, Louis is Harry’s best friend. He is the older boy in the house next door, who Harry has looked up to since he was a chubby little child. He is that friend he goes to and talks about everything, like fantasies and dreams he has touching his partner. Louis is that best friend who has lifted him up, made him strong and helping him becoming who he is today.

Louis is also his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> heyye tell me what you think! I'll also post it on my tumblr, [sailingthebullshitship](http://sailingthebullshitship.tumblr.com)


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